Wow so its about pathetic i'm writing in here 2 days in a row...yea, blogs on myspac are actually working too. Hm.... well

It's cool

Im going to prom. I decided today i was going. You know nothing like waiting till the last minute to go, huh?

I know that if i didn't go, i'd regret it, and i'd have nothing to do till later,.. plus, ya might as well get dressed up and dolled up, lol. And i have a sweetass dress too, so that should be fun... and um, i got a bra for it, and some shoes today...they're pretty neat. Not getting any jewelry, i have enough, and i'm going to have my mom do my hair, and hopefully get my make up done for free at elder beerman... so ya know..

Austin & Beth came over, they wanna hook me up w/ one of his buddies, and i saw pics, not too bad... so we'll see... he might come to the partayy sat... yea... afterprom is HERE..not at the school. gay.

I hate how i just cleaned my room yesterday, and its already got shit on the floor. something needs to be done about that.. prolly before i go to bed..

Today was very frustrating, but im not gonna get into that...I just wish it was the weekend, i'd have no worries... and it's gonna be fun as hell... prom 2006...yoo..here i come! my last prom. Jessica and i are leavin early, but yea, it'll be sweet...i know.. and hopefully people will come over afterwards, it should be fun!

Well i'm gonna pick up my room a bit, then head to bed.... so i can go to class tomorrow

Night..

put your itunes on shuffle. use the song title to answer the question.

1. How am I feeling today?
"The course of human life"- the early november

2. Will I get far in life?
"Lady in a blue dress" senses fail

3. How do my friends see me?
"Something that produces results" the early november

4. When will I get Married?
"Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends"- Fall out boy

5. What is my best friend's theme song?
"change" good charlotte.. how perfect, lol.

6. What is the story of my life?
"I would walk 500 miles" the proclaimers... cool huh

7. What was highschool like?
"Where the highways end" Hidden In Plain View

8. How can I get ahead in life?
"Truly madly deeply"-savage garden

9. What is the best thing about me?
"head over feet" - Alanis Morissette

10. How is today going to be?
"Bedroom talk"- the starting line

11. What is in store for this weekend?
"Sesame Smeshame"-the early november

12.What song describes my parents?
"Feels like today"- rascal flatts

13. To describe my grandparents?
"Fever for the flava" hot action cop

14. How is my life going?
"Letters to you"- finch

15. What song will they play at my funeral?
"Maybe its just me" butch walker

16. How does the world see me?
"Bloody Romance" -senses fail

17. Will I have a Happy Life?
"call and return"- hellogoodbye

18. What do my friends really think of me?
"Let me hold you down" bow wow

19. Do people secretly lust after me?
"Ridin" Chamillionaire

20. How can I make myself happy?
"Icy" gucci mane

21. What should I do with my life?
"memory" sugarcult

22. Will I ever have children?
"glycerine" bush

23. What is some good advice for me?
"New American Classic" taking back sunday

24. What's that smell?
"cute without the e" taking back sunday

25. What is my signature dancing song?
"Count on me"- Default

26. What do I think my current theme song is?
"Punk rock princess"- something corporate...YEA! haha

27. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"she paints me blue" something corporate

28. What type of men do you like?
"Dance dance" fall out boy

29. How do you feel about yourself at this point in time?
"Sunday drive" - The early november

Let's start out by starting over.. what did i expect? you're no good at lying and i'm no good at comebacks. but you're so untouchable and i'm oh-so terrible at this. i'm terrible at this, you know.

I don't even know why i'm writing on here... but i need to vent, and myspace is not working... surprise surprise, yeah... the blogs are being fucking retarded so i'm stuck w/xanga.

K so its like May 3 already, my last month of high school... this week has been overwhelming, sometimes i wonder how i'm going to get through the next few weeks, and i'm only there for 42 minutes a day. I still have sooo much anxiety when i go in there, but I guess i just have to deal with it so i can *hopefully* graduate. I hate this. I feel like i've missed SO much, and like, i dunno. It's so hard to explain. I feel like I don't belong there. I'm not walking at graduation. I don't even want to go. Yeah, you may think it's crazy that I don't want to go to my own graduation, but seriously, after all the shit that school's put me through this year, after all i've been through, i don't want to stand up and represent the school, and being up in front of a shitload of people would make me panic like crazy,.. i can't even do it in a classroom, let alone a gym. So that's that. And plus, i don't care for like anyone in my class, teachers, administration or underclassmen. So whatever.. I need my diploma. Period.

Onto my next frustration.... I feel fatter and fatter every day. I don't know why. I haven't been able to work out as much, because of some stupid ass reasons we don't discusss... it disgusts me. I need to count my calories better, but its so hard to keep track of. Ugh. It's mostly my butt, hips, and legs. I think my legs is mostly muscle, but i dunno. I hate how everything else looks.  Like I know i'm not like huge, but i feel like it. I think everyone feels that way about themself though...I'm going to hopefully... depending on tomorrow...start going 4 times a week and do 45 min. of cardio like i used to, and start counting the cals... because i really really need to.

It seems like just as things get better, things get worse, and i'm so hard to please. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied.

So Saturday is prom. We went out and bought a dress, and i had plans of going, well since things got shitty last week, It's not possible for me to go... Like i'm sure i could've gotten tickets, but by then it was too late, and the office harasses me too much, where i don't even feel the need to ask. So my mom and i decided i probably shouldn't go. So then we were going to have an after prom at a hotel, well we got all ready for that, and that idea fell through.. just like everything else seems to. So whatever. Now the party's at my place-- no drinking, and i'm sure no one will come because people always have other plans, so whatever. Oh yeah, it's also opening day Cedar Point. Now let's remember the past 2 years, i've went on opening day, and this year it's not going to happen. A. I don't have anyone to go w/. B. I've already made plans, and C. I don't have a pass yet...

I keep feeling like i'm doing something wrong, or every little thing i do, I have to worry about what happens next.

I still am not working . I'm not going back to Miller's, i don't think. The thought of work scares me, makes me nervous.. Whatever. I dont even know what to do. I'm sure it won't be any different if i get another job, so what do i do? I can't just not have money, and i cant go to a job having anxiety/panic attacks all the time. UGH

Seriously, I wish that I could rewind everything back to the beginning of the year, and if I would've known how all this would have turned out, I would have definetly done things a LOT diferently.. and i mean, like pretty much EVERYTHING i would've done different. Because now i'm not happy w/anything, it doesn't seem like, especially after everything i've gone through so far this year. I think ever since March things just started to go downhill, at the beginning of April things were better, then they got worse, got better, and they're starting to get worse again...Why?

I keep thinking back to the beginning of the year, where I had no worries, i thought everything would be ok, and then....I dunno... I messed up...And i wish I could change things...

Sorryy

Like i don't know what to do, because i still feel sorta the same way i did back a few months ago, but i'm a bit smarter this time, so who knows?? I think i missed my chance...that i never had...

I can't let anyone down this time....

Goodnight.

P.S- the next one won't be such a bitchy update, i'm just frustrated right now.... i just need to get to bed...

It's funny how
things work out,
the ones we need
don't know we're there
If I were sand
and you were oceans,
the moon would be
why you're pulled to me

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me

I hope that dreams
come when I die
so we can talk
I won't wake up
I'll ask you how
your life worked out
I'll never know
that I'm just dreaming

I wake up and think dreams are real
I sleep so I don't have to feel
the truth that you can't ever be
the one person that won't ever forget me

Let me sleep some more...

Currently Listening Voices By Matchbook Romance see related

HAPPY EASTER!

Wow.

Spring break was fucking awesome...cept for the last part of it, but i still managed to have fun! Thanks guys!!

To my girls---dolphins~ wow..you guys are so awesome. i couldn't ask for any better friends. we had a fucking great time this week, and every time we get together is even more fun. not to sound cheesy or anything, but i'm serious. thanks for listening and being there. i love everything about us 3. we never bitch at each other, we always have fun together no matter what, we hate drama, and we're just sweet as hell..so rock on girls, and i cant wait for the 3 of us to get together again! YOU JUST KNOW... it happens to the best of us!!

Oh i got my prom dress...wanna see?

Sexy huhhhhh

Ok so this weekend i went to Take Action tour... if you look at my myspace u can see pics, and shit, and um........ a blog or w/e

www.myspace.com/erika7688

But i met Andy again...from Matchbook, the drummer of Early November (JEFF) and also the lead singer of Amber Pacific...

I <3 him..and this picture

fucking sexy...Matt.. i <3 him

that's my boyfriend jeff. he plays in a band called the early november

um one more thing

a song.

They're all asleep, they'll never know
We'll escape through your window
And they're onto us
But this time is ours
There are reasons for what I did
It wasn't some vile attempt or accomplishment
It was innocent you know

La, ladada, lada, ladada, lada, ladada, lala

Nurse, something for the pain
Something to make this guilt go away
You're forgetting us
You're forgetting everything
And I wanna hate you for my mistakes
I hate you for everything
This is goodbye, this is always

We're covering up our tracks
And living in secrets
We can learn to love life
Or learn to love pain
And if you still hear my voice
Than give me a sign, let me know
You're still here, like it or not

But wait, what do we have here?
Who's that dress for?
Let's keep toasting to innocence
And drown our regret
Let's have no recollection of any of this
Don't wait up for me
I'll be taking swings at a ghost while you're laying down,
playing dead right in front of me

We're covering up our tracks
And living in secrets
We can learn to love life
Or learn to love pain
And if you still hear my voice
Than give me a sign, let me know
You're still here like it or not
Like it or not

My heartbeat was louder than
The sound of my steps to your door

You're cold but you're beautiful
You're a mess but I like it that way
I'm a fool, but only a fool knows a miracle
And I won't ask for anything
No, I won't ask for anything, ever again
Just give me this one thing, that's all I ask
That's all I ask

Don't wait up for me
Well I'll be taking swings at a ghost while you're laying down
Laying dead right in front of me

We're covering up our tracks
And living in secrets
We can learn to love life
Or learn to love pain
And if you still hear my voice
Than give me a sign, let me know
You're still here like it or not
Like it or not

Well BA!!!!!!!!!

happy spring break, bitches

i dont know why i'm writin on here

for shits and giggles

guess what. this week i am going to see matchbook romance and the early november. i'm pretty excited. they're sexy bitches

me and beth hung out like all weekend. shes my girrrrrl.

wanna see the beautiful lads?

we're fucking sexy

thats before we went to get high

just kidding. thats not cool

We're dolphins so..... that's me jessica and beth *~CIC girls for life~*

I LOVE T.I....whatchu kno about that!

hey gotta go, talk sex with sue's on!

love ya... leave comments! BYE!!!

and maybe ill post on here more or sumthin...